Friday, June 03, 2011

Ode to a Beard

Although Parks And Recreation is currently in its annual downtime, Nick Offerman has still found a way to bring stability to the world through his facial hair: He’s growing out his reassuringly stalwart Ron Swanson mustache into a full-on beard—not just as a vacation from his character, but as part of an effort to conserve water for World Environment Day, which takes place this Sunday. Offerman has teamed with Budweiser in the “Grow One. Save A Million” campaign, asking other men to join him in not shaving, thereby helping to save the average five gallons of water every guy consumes when he uses his non-electric razor.

So not only does my dashing, smartly-trimmed beard, especially when paired with mirrored shades and my ever-present Fidel cap, endow me with a romantic magnetism, hinting at the secret pain and oceanic depth of sensitivity in my world-weary soul, suggesting that here is a man equally at ease composing poems by candlelight for his beloved or leading a revolutionary uprising of the oppressed and downtrodden, causing ladies to fan themselves and swoon in my presence, eyes a-fluttering and hearts a-thumping, but it gives me environmental awareness cred to boot? Almost doesn't seem fair, does it?

P.S. Five gallons of water to shave? Fellows, you know you can turn the faucet off when you're not rinsing your razor, right?