Wednesday, April 20, 2011

In Dixie Land I'll Take My Stand

I thought I had seen it all when it came to unconscionable desecration of the image of Calvin (from Calvin & Hobbes). Even though Bill Watterson never made his work available for merchandising, you still see stickers and window decals of Calvin being used to symbolize contempt for various NASCAR drivers via a stream of urine and an evil smirk, or as a religious simpleton kneeling in prayer before a cross. There is no end to the number of treasures these cretins will defile with their filthy hands.

But this, now... I saw a truck yesterday with an image in the back glass of Calvin defiantly holding up a middle finger and a Confederate flag, right next to another stars 'n' bars sticker reading "Rebel Pride". So I did the only thing a reasonable man could have done.

I followed him to his destination and waited for him to park and head into the building, whereupon I walked over, stuffed a rag into his gas tank, lit it on fire, hopped back in the car and drove off. As I looked back in the rearview mirror, mine eyes saw the glory of the orange fireball blossoming over the ridge. Up in flames like Atlanta under General Sherman, I tell you what.

Mess with the greatest comic strip ever written, and my wrath will be merciless, swift and sure.

4 comments:

Shanna said...

NASCAR! What kind of barbaric nation are you living in, anyway? The worst I've seen up here is lil Calvin pissing on a Chev sign....

The Vile Scribbler said...

When we invade you for your oil and fresh water, it's going to replace hockey as the national sport. Oh, you think I'm kidding now, but...

noel said...

The first time I saw the abominable misuse of Calvin, for a second I thought the image had been sold by Watterson for such use - a disturbing thought. Now I just think of it as a warning, like, "This vehicle is driven by a complete idiot."

Brian M said...

In California...Calvin is often seen peeing on La Migra. :)