Friday, February 04, 2011

The Word Made Grilled Flesh

So, having just emerged from the shower, imagine my surprise as I walked across my bedroom toweling off, my Adonis-like physique exposed in all its glory, only to see a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses ambling right past my window on the way to the front door. I haven't had any of them stop by here in probably three years! In a moment of inspiration, I seized upon the idea of inviting them in to deliver their spiel if they would in turn allow me to read them some selected passages from Nietzsche and Dawkins. I thought the exchange would make for an interesting blog post (the things I do for you people!) But alas, I was on my way to meet Arthur for lunch and had no time to spare! What a shame to waste such a rare opportunity!

So I killed them and took them with me. We had them sliced and served over fettuccine noodles in alfredo sauce, with a Caesar salad and garlic cheese toast on the side. I don't drink alcohol, so I just had water. Arthur had a soda. Conversation was pleasant, centering on 19th-century authors, the state of writing in a digital age, and the nature of life as bohemian intellectuals in the twilight of the American Empire.

As I was cleaning up the bloodstains on the porch upon arriving home, I noticed where one of them had dropped a copy of The Watchtower, with this issue's cover story, "The Garden of Eden: Myth or Fact?" The first few pages fluttered in the breeze, hoping to attract a reader. I put it in the recycling bin and came inside.


  1. There was something off about this post and I couldn't put my finger on it. Then it hit me -- you're a vegetarian!

  2. I admit I embellished a little for effect -- we didn't actually have a Caesar salad.

  3. I thought you were going to say you answered the door naked.
    I chuckle to myself when I think about my neighbor's outrage when she, a devout Southern Baptist, was (politely) told she was going to hell by some JW's. I heard her yelling from across the street. I'm thinking, "Now you know how I feel, you racist, homophobic ass." So they are good for something: annoying other Christians.

  4. Supposedly Prince is a Jehovah's Witness. Now that's gotta be entertaining to open your door to.