Monday, January 04, 2010

Priapus Forgives Him

Apparently we're all shocked now because some Fox News personality departed from the standards of professional journalism that are the network's stock-in-trade in order to tell Tiger Woods to get right with Jeebus. Am I the only one who finds this immensely amusing?

Jowly talking basset-hound says:

"The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith," said Hume. "He is said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of redemption and forgiveness offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger is, 'Tiger turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."

But lo! A rejoinder comes by way of a, uh, jowly, gravel-voiced, mumbly-puss shock jock and noted theologian:

The Don Imus show crew reported that Hume doesn’t quite have his facts straight on Buddhism."

According to Imus, "Well, we checked this morning and unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately if you are a Buddhist, there is a path to recovery and redemption. Right? Well yes there is. The idea of redemption — nirvana under Buddhism — is achieving the state of being freed from greed, hate, and delusion."


Now, it should be said that Hume is probably correct. After all, the Christian God famously knocked up another man's wife, so if anyone would commiserate with Tiger's wanderlust, it would be him. Though, really, if being a man-whore is your thing, you should probably look to the Greek pantheon for sympathy. Who didn't those gods sleep with?

However, I have to nitpick with Imus's "Buddhism in 30 Seconds" seminar too -- it's my understanding that the whole thing about achieving nirvana is the realization that there is no one to be forgiven or redeemed in the first place. The self is a fiction, the ultimate delusion. People don't have permanent essences.

But perhaps that will all be covered in depth on Glenn Beck's next show.