Nüze You Can Yüze

The Dude: Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!

Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?

Well, apparently this dude didn't need his. Teasers:

...after meeting on an internet site about "Furries"...

He told the jury: "It may seem extreme that he wanted his penis bitten off ..."

"It seems that Skarnes was to receive no money for killing Mr and Mrs Monks but the prospect of biting off Monks' penis ..."

Oh, come on. You can't resist. Just do it. You know you're going to click the link.

The Bright Day is Done, and We Are for the Dark

Thus we hear that suicide is the most cowardly of acts, that only a madman would commit it, and similar insipidities; or the senseless assertion that suicide is "wrong", though it is obvious there is nothing in the world a man has a more incontestable right to than his own life and person.

[...] It therefore seems that the extraordinary zeal in opposing it displayed by the clergy of the monotheistic religions - a zeal which is not supported by the Bible or by any cogent reasons - must have some hidden reason behind it: may this not be that the voluntary surrender of life is an ill compliment to him that said that all things were very good? If so, it is another instance of the obligatory optimism of these religions, which denounces self-destruction so as not to be denounced by it.

- Schopenhauer

Could there possibly be a better way to die? Who in their right mind would prefer the usual alternatives?

It really is an affirmation of life -- a refusal to allow all that made life worth living to be degraded by a sentimental clinging to mere biological existence. We've all seen relatives who died in a hospital or nursing home, blind, deaf, sickly, bedridden, dependent on nurses to feed and wash them. What's the point? Why not make one courageous final stand for dignity and meaning? Why not proudly sign your name and close the book of your life of your own volition?

Our greatness and efficiency crumbles away not all at once but continually; the little plants which grow up in and around everything and know how to cling everywhere, it is these which ruin that which is great in us – the everyday, hourly, pitiableness of our environment which we constantly overlook, the thousand tendrils of this or that little, fainthearted sensation which grows out of our neighborhood, out of our job, our social life, out of the way we divide up the day. If we neglect to notice this little weed, we shall ourselves perish of it unnoticed! And if you absolutely must perish, do so all at once and suddenly, then perhaps there may remain of you some sublime ruin! And not, as there is now some reason to fear, a molehill! And grass and weeds upon it, little victors, modest as ever and too pitiable even to celebrate their triumph!

- Nietzsche

The Lamps are Going Out

Jul 25th, 2009 | LONDON -- Harry Patch, the last British military veteran of World War I, has died at 111, the nursing home where he lived said Saturday.

The Fletcher House care home in Wells, southwest England, said Patch died early Saturday.

Patch had been the last surviving soldier from the British Army to have served in the 1914-18 war. The only other surviving British veteran of the war, former airman Henry Allingham, died a week ago at age 113.

I've long shared the conviction of many authors and thinkers that World War One was the most momentous event of the 20th century, "[t]he blow that hurled the modern world on its course of self-destruction," as Jacques Barzun put it. Of course I have nothing profound to say about it; I just feel that this sort of moment deserves a long period of somber reflection.

This quiet Dust was Gentlemen

and Ladies

And Lads and Girls-

Was laughter and ability and

Sighing

And Frocks and Curls.

- Emily Dickinson

This Message Brought to You by Porn Stars for Abstinence Education

Yeah, you know, if you want to tell kids to not be fools, play by the rules, stay in school, it's probably best if you don't hire a motivational speaker who dropped out in ninth grade and grifted his way to fame and fortune.

Iran only needs to look next door to be reminded that cooperating fully with inspectors to prove that you have nothing but Ewok weapons to defend yourself with will lead to nothing but brazen lies about your obstinate refusal to cooperate, followed by invasion and occupation.

We Have Always Been at War with Obesity

Wasn't it the eminent scholar of fascism, Jonah Goldberg, who called our attention to the theretofore unnoticed line connecting healthy lifestyles to the death camps? What, has the right wing gotten in touch with their inner health Nazis all of a sudden?

The Surgeon General's job is a bureaucratic one; I'm sure Benjamin can keep up to date on the latest health news, give lectures and shuffle papers full of statistics as well as any skinny person. It's not as if she's going to be leading the nation every morning at eight a.m. in a televised, government-mandated five-mile jog, and needless to say (but I will anyway), if she were going to do something like that, these same people would have one enormous, collective aneurgasm. The howls of outrage would be deafening as our basement-dwelling shut-ins would be frantically stockpiling candy and soda while insisting that the Bill of Rights guaranteed everyone the opportunity to eat junk food soaked in beer for breakfast, who do these granola-munching hippies think they are, and so on.

It's almost like they just reflexively bitch and complain no matter what.

Better Living through Chemistry

Yup:

For Grim, most of these mistakes have roots in an elementary error, the inability to accept that "altering one's consciousness is a fundamental human desire." The craving to be more relaxed or more alert, more outgoing or more reflective, happier or deeper or even just sillier and less bored -- in one form other another, this drive has always been and always will be with us, though many of us refuse to admit it. As a result, our political response to drug problems tends to be blinkered.

That's why I've long been weary of the "disease" rhetoric surrounding substance abuse. It's an attempt to disguise a moral judgment as scientific, clinical detachment. Anti-drug crusaders don't want to have to acknowledge that people might willingly choose the joy of being high over the more subdued pleasures of being a responsible and respected spouse, parent, employee, member of the community, etc., thus the transparent attempts to pretend that people somehow catch drug addiction like a virus and continue with it even though they get nothing out of it. Bullshit. People do it because it's enjoyable. Any response to drug problems that doesn't take that basic fact into account will be blinkered. And how does the disease model explain those who actually do just quit cold turkey and walk away without looking back while others relapse repeatedly?

Of course heavy users will tell you that they hate what their life has become and they really want to quit, but why do we take that as proof that they're being held captive against their will? People want contradictory or mutually exclusive things all the time. We want to lose weight without exercising or changing our terrible eating habits. We want to "save the planet" without making any drastic changes in our consumer habits or affluent lifestyles. The spectacle of people trying to have their cake and eat it too is so ubiquitous as to be unremarkable. Why is it so hard to accept that some want to be able to enjoy being high without having to suffer the consequences, either socially or physically?

The Peasants are Revolting!

King Louis XVI: You said it! They stink on ice!

I just like the part about installing the Secretary of State as the interim Chief Executive. If you had predicted just a couple years ago that the founder of Free Republic would call for installing Hillary Clinton anywhere near the White House, I would have just stared in bewildered silence.

Catarolysis

Lawrence: Fuckin' A.
Peter Gibbons: [nods] Fuckin' A.

Let loose with some profanity right now, wherever you are, whatever you're doing. See if you don't feel better.